Are the hills open again yet? Birchen Edge

“Young people, come to the crags but walk around looking at their phones”

“They’re looking up the routes on a guidebook app”

Instantly, we feel old for having an actual guidebook in our hands.

Those gloves should do

Covid restrictions still don’t allow for nights away, but going outside of Leicestershire is back on (Grant Shapps even said we could “start to think about” foreign holidays again soon. Thanks Grant) so a month or so of Peak trips would seem a good plan. John and I had both climbed the Peak eastern grit routes before but not together, so we wanted to revisit these routes that were our separate making many years ago and metaphorically tossed a coin between Stanage and Birchen.

Ending up at the latter, having made an early start for a car park space, it was freezing, but we had all day so got a brew on at the car, then went for a bird watching stroll, which seems to be the new big thing. Must be our ages, or maybe a lockdown symptom, but I’ve got a few mates now who have just got into birds and I’ve found that any time spent outside is enhanced greatly by being aware of the wonderful diversity of bird sights and sounds.

My superhero power is rain-repelling

Birchen has a reputation as a beginners or clubs crag, so it was good to meet a pair who had climbed all over the Peak but never been here before. Maybe the slightly lower, sheltered aspect had made it more appealing on a day forecast to be cold at first and showery later. Even Classic Rock itself almost writes off the crag as an afterthought, somewhere to go at some point, rather than a venue to be sought out, but with it’s rounded features, easy but sparsely protected slabs and super-tricky starts, I’m not sure I’d recommend it as a beginners crag. You could argue about how good the 3 Birchen routes are compared to Froggatt etc. but remember that Classic Rock is intended as a collection of routes that would give any completer a rounded UK portfolio, giving a great variety of experiences, challenges and adventures. Birchen is easily accessible and perfect for a picnic; friendly, short climbing fun rather than a big day adventure, the opposite end of the spectrum from the Cuillin in every way.

Having not touched grit for a year, climbing the rough, rounded bulges felt unfamiliar; a distant memory existed of a certain style or tactic to be employed, but having concentrated on the spikier rocks of Welsh mountains more recently, the first route was climbed cautiously and slowly. Fortunately, the sun began to bathe us in a warmth that lasted until 2.30pm, when snow called our day short just as we were really enjoying it, having climbed comfortably and confidently through the 3 Classic Rock routes and a handful more. We’d been lucky though; Birchen was probably the only dry crag around for those few hours, the raintoday app showing us in a small, dry, calm oasis surrounded by squalls of sleet.

Phil sheltering from snow under Sail Buttress

Sail Buttress - HS 4b

The start of Sail Buttress had become our home for the day, with an overhang big enough to shelter under from the occasional spit of rain and a ledge to sit, stash bags and enjoy the vibe from. Actually making the first move from this comfortable ledge, (as with many Birchen routes) may be the trickiest bit. Established on another comfortable platform, even after 17 years of climbing, the bold hand traverse ahead brought a momentary pause. It’s a good place for gear, so an extra piece here may just give the confidence required.

Hands just about find a slight positive lip. Good palm friction. Feet start off smearing, but a large round pocket is less than a full step away.

And it’s done. Swing round, rock over and carefully up the easier slab above.

Being such a short crag, the crux is almost over the moment you choose to commit; something we spent a few minutes trying to convince another climber of who was becoming far too at home on the midway platform. Starting to consider finding a way back to the ground, he informed us the route was in his bottom 50; then after giving in to our incessant encouragements, went for it, and admitted that the route had moved into his top 5. How many of us recognise that transition between, “I can’t, why am I doing this, is it safe?” to “that was brilliant, what a move, what a position!” which all happens in a nervous heartbeat, at the moment of success?

John heroically tackling the crux of Topsail

Topsail - VS 4c

By the oddity of having to agree a grading system, this route does qualify as Very Severe in character and probably does have a 4c move, but to compare it to many other routes of the same grade within 5 miles, let alone around the UK, feels a little disingenuous. Think of the sustained nature and tricky protection of a route like Altar Crack at Rivelin; a ludicrous sibling in the grade.

Nevertheless, the pull through the overhang at half height of Topsail is technical and bold, albeit over in a flash and shouldn’t really be graded any differently. So if you are leading Hard Severe and want a short, sharp test piece, this could be a great one for you. If you’re tall enough to reach the better bit of the holds before committing then it’s probably only a Severe.

One of the many ways you could attempt the first bit of PMP

Powder Monkey Parade - S 4b

Powder monkeys were the (primarily) boys who shuttled backwards and forwards around a warship, supplying the guns with powder. Although it can be tricky to place protection prior to setting out on the traverse, this is an outing infinitely less dangerous than the namesake occupation it represents.

In fact it may be impossible to fall on the first section, any slip being more likely to get you stuck in the chimney than topple out. Being such a good picnic spot, it would make decent entertainment to watch for a while and witness the huge variety of mainly ineffective techniques being attempted to gain those first 3 metres. I was pleased that an accidental chicken wing seemed to work pretty well, although my efforts were no more stylish than anyone else and it still would have appeared to a spectator that I was only marginally winning a fight with the gritstone.

Powder Monkey Parade is however all about the traverse. Yet another example of commitment to a bold beginning paying off. The best gear is one move into the traverse and although you anticipate not wanting to hang around too much there, the feet and positive hands are adequate to settle yourself to make a good job of it. Extend it well or use 2 ropes, because you won’t thank yourself for rope drag when finishing up the straightforward but less protectable slab.

So although it looks like Stanage for our next trip to minimise travel, I’m so looking forward to the overnight trips to the mountains and our week in Scotland in the summer.

Our Classic Rock progress now stands at 35 out of 84 routes done.

And because I’m a stat nerd, that also equates to 5606 metres out of 12140.

And 121 pitches out of 352.

Sounds like there’s a long way to go. 30 years still sounds about right.